Birthday Plans

Friday was a great day.  I had a non-frustrating phone call with a representative from our insurance company. With the help of this gentleman, we found a midwife in network Nate and I could seek the services of to have the desired birth we desired, rather, I desired. The idea of where I would give birth has been a road block for me this whole pregnancy. Nate has been content and confident in our current choice for the birth, which by the way, is the only hospital near us which features a birthing suite complete with birthing tub. Sounds lovely, doesn't it? Well, for me, not so much. I have been dragging my feet this whole time lacking the commitment to cling on to this location. The hour plus drive, the security monitors, the rules, THE REGULATIONS, and did I mention the hospital environment as a whole! Collectively this gave me the anxiety that would launch me into investigator mode so I could find a way out of it. I really did not want to be subjected to the politics of a hospital for the sake of saving money. Friday, I was optimistic that I found the way. Or at least I thought I did. I was determined to do what I could to find a way to have a homebirth-type environment, without having the financial burdens associated with it.

The conversation I had with Mr. Insurance man was probably the fourth or fifth conversation I've had  with someone from Blue Cross/ Blue Shield trying to find some sort of loop hole to having a homebirth covered.  The news that, by some miracle, there was a midwife in our network who would be covered 100% under our plan was extremely exciting and hopeful for me. This meant I wouldn't have to worry about all the nonsense I worked up in my head about having a hospital birth, and believe me, I had a long list of the cons the hospital would provide. I would be able to have the safe birth I wanted in an environment that would be conducive to my needs, as well as our son's needs. With this new found knowledge, I felt eager to schedule an appointment for the week and get going on plans to birth either at home or the birth center associated with this particular midwife.  Great strides in my quest to have a homebirth covered, right?! How awesome, to have a homebirth and not have to pay $3-5,000 out of pocket which, prior to this, was our only known option.

This whole weekend I have been super eager for Monday to arrive so I could get the go from the birth center that our insurance was indeed accepted and we could move forward. As I was getting ready for church I wasn't even thinking of our birthing options, I sort of assumed all was settled out and we would have a homebirth, and that was that. Funny the inspiration we can get when we aren't even seeking it.  I sat in the chapel as I normally do, fidgeting with Winnie, answering Piper's list of questions, and trying to manage my hunger when I had an interesting thought. As a sweet gal from church was delivering her talk I had this come to my mind and burn in my heart, "Even if I talk to the midwife at the birth center, we should still go to the hospital for this birth." This idea was then followed by this statement, "Our choices will be inspired by the Holy Ghost.".  I felt a huge lump in my throat as I wrote this seemingly out of place thought down on paper so I could share it with Nate at that exact moment.  The lump wasn't necessarily out of sadness, but out of love for our Savior. I knew that He wouldn't lead me astray and all of the sudden my heart felt OK to birth in the hospital. I will go and do as the Lord has commanded me to do. This personal revelation came as a surprise as I wasn't even actively searching for it. To be completely honest, I didn't even want the hospital to be a choice in our plans. In my mind, I wanted a homebirth and I should have one, especially after having two beautiful births at home previously. This is where I have grown accustomed to be comfortable and where I feel the safest. Shortly after, with my brain in a state of shock, I was searching through the scriptures when I came across these found in Helaman, 

5:30 "And it came to pass when they heard this voice, and beheld that it was not a voice of thunder, neither was it a voice of great tumultuous noise, but behold, it was a still voice of perfect mildness, as if it had been a whisper, and it did pierce even to the very soul."

5:47 " Peace, peace be unto you because of your faith in my Well Beloved, who was from the foundation of the world. "

I can't explain any better than what the above scriptures state as to how it came to me and how I felt. The Lord gives us commandments and then delivers us with the peace to be able to do the things he commands of us. Elder Ian S. Ardern states, " The receipt of revelation depends on our faithfulness, but the clarity of the revelation depends on our listening skills. ". How full of gratitude I am on this rainy Sunday for a loving Father in heaven who, through His own grace, has allowed me to be able to not only listen to his words but to recognize it as it comes to me, and most importantly, to act upon it. 

As tomorrow comes and goes, I won't even tease the temptation that lies for me at the birth center. As tempted as I want to be to at least call and investigate, I wont. I have my answer. I have the plan for these next few months. As unconventional it is for me to have a baby at a hospital, I have faith that it is exactly the place He wants us to be as we welcome our son into the world. With this faith, I have peace. I feel comforted. I will move forward in faith just as we have done in the past, and continue to do, with our children.