Making cheese can be pretty tricky to master, I know this because I have attempted to make cheese quite a few times. The last time we were taking care of "The Farm", I must have dumped three to four gallons of precious goat milk down the drain because my cheese never seemed to form. This time would be different. I was going to be successful at making goat milk mozzarella!
Yesterday, I decided, with a fridge full of goat milk sitting and waiting for me, that this would be the day when it would come together. So, without further ado, I poured a gallon of milk into a pot, measured out the rennet and citric acid, and waited. I waited for a while, and then waited a bit longer for the cheese to reach the magical temperature where I could start to see them magic. Oh, and did I mention, I said a prayer? I knew that if this batch of cheese was going to turn out, I would need some extra help and a lot of faith. Time went by and nothing happened. I was feeling a little deflated with my cheese making abilities.
This was about the time when I turned the stove off and called it quits for a brief moment. After some mental huffing an puffing, I turned the stove back on and waited some more. This time it was different. As I stood there stirring and stirring, I began to see changes occurring. First, the curds and whey started separating. This couldn't be it, I thought to myself. Then, as if the stars in my little cauldron began to align, the whey turned to stretchy cheese and formed a giant cheese ball. I had done it! I made cheese! Pretty cool, right? This little incident was made even better by the lesson Heavenly Father was about teach me.
Now let's flash back about an hour from that moment when a seemingly unrelated event occurred. Before I get to the incident, I want to fill you in on a little background first. About four months ago, we hit a financial wall. Nothing overly bad, but to the point where if we didn't fix it, it would be bad. We got on the fast track to move forward in getting Nate a second job until he could replace his current job with one that had more opportunities to advance. (We haven't seen a pay increase since he started) We happened across someone who offered Nate a job that would essentially double his pay. This was the big break we had been waiting for. At least that is what I was thinking. The job being offered is a government job, and as such, it would be several weeks before the hiring process could begin. We would just need to be patient as the weeks turned to months and still nothing was happening. Yesterday, Nate gave me some unfavorable information about the job that has me thinking that it isn't likely to happen. He received information from HR that makes it sound as though it wasn't compatible from the beginning. This information could have been shared with us sooner. Nearly a quarter of a year later and we are no closer to this "dream job" than we were when we started. I am feeling so confused at this time as to what to do or how we should move forward. Nate seems to have way more faith than me, he has optimistically been seeking and applying for the next step since we got here almost five years ago.
So, what does all of this have to do with cheese?
I would like to think of myself as a women of faith, someone who sees the lessons in everyday happenings that my Heavenly Father is trying to teach me. When I was stirring the ball of cheese, standing, sulking, it it hit me- all of these seemingly insignificant events that are gathering around Nate and I, seeming to take us nowhere, are suddenly going to come together to form a part of our plan that is even better than what we thought of for ourselves. Nate's career is the curds forming in the pot. In the Lord's perfect timing, the curds will form and come together, making every step prior a step that makes sense, and is essential to the plan. I can't give up on the Lord, or even think about it!
As I keep saying this to myself, I want so badly for it to be true. My faith, while strong, is being tried. I know we will get through this and come out with a better future than we had ever planned for ourselves, but the other side of me is worried that this is it. What if the big break never comes? What if my lessons to be learned are to be learned in a life of career trials- a life as a curd? *Sigh*, no one wants to be a curd. (Insert a slight, forced giggle here) Joking aside, I am trying so hard to stay positive, but I am a flawed human being who often times lacks essential patience. A year from now, I hope to have gained eternal perspective through this event, to be a more joyous person, to smile through the "curd" phase, and most importantly, to turn to a loving Savior when in need of comfort. This is my journey, I am part of it. I have to change my thoughts on the situation, I have to see the blessings through the fog. I need to have more faith. I'm working on it. The end.
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